My "Mundane" Life

"A happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes."

To paint you a picture of my current life: today I went to work, made about $80, bought a bottle of wine on my way home, and am now sitting in bed with my laptop and a chick flick to keep me company.  Since the semester has ended, my life consists of working.  Working and hanging out by myself.  As pathetic as that sounds, I've started to enjoy it.  I've either done a good job of distracting myself from the lack of friends I have in town or I'm just appreciating the alone time.  But while adjusting to the current mundaneness of my summer life, I've had the chance to do a lot of thinking (shocker, I know).

There have been a few bad days since Lawrence has become a ghost town...like days when I don't make money at work, or when I spend my day off at Midas putting far too much money toward fixing my car.  But then I remember that I don't have bad days very often.  About 4 or 5 years ago, it seemed that most days were bad days.  I don't too much enjoy feeling sorry for myself, especially when my biggest problems are things as insignificant as money and boredom.  I'm sure not everybody works in the same way I do but for me, the dull times allow me to check in, or "reflect," for lack of a word less corny.  I tend to find clarity in the transition times.

Aside from making a lot of new friends at work, I've been spending my free time exploring the forgotten parts of my music library, expanding my sports repertoire, and reading for actual pleasure.  This is the first time I've written in a while because I feel like I have nothing new or exciting to report except for the fact that I'm enjoying the mundaneness.  As my roommate and I always used to say, "Hindsight is 20/20."  The things I've been thinking about lately include annoyingly deep subjects such as god, religion, my previously mentioned love life and my family.  I'm sure I'll bore you on those subjects at a later date but for now, I'm simply enjoying my routine and I CANNOT wait until Vegas.  Only 2 days!!!

I'm sure I'll have far more interesting stories to share once I return.

"Those who fly solo sometimes have the strongest wings."

Let's Get Personal, I Guess..

So, I spoke last time about my willingness to make myself "fantastically uncomfortable."  I would hate to be all talk, so here we go.  Now I promise not to always bore you with the ins and outs of my love life but for the sake of being very uncomfortable, it feels like a logical place to start.  So I guess we're doing this.  I guess we're getting personal...

I am not a "girlfriend girl."  I never have been.  I was in a relationship for the majority of my freshman year.  None prior and none since.  Don't get me wrong, I love boys.  I'll even tell you that I'm in the process of getting over one right now.  His name is none of your business but you can call him Dance (bear with me on this).  I came to college wanting a boyfriend, and so I got one.  I tried to be a "girlfriend girl" and although it was fun for a while, I learned that being asked to give up my independence is like being asked to give up my right arm.  It's just not happening.  It's like I said, I love guys...but I'm no "girlfriend girl."

So instead of a boyfriend, I choose to love everything else.  I love my family, my friends, my school, my hobbies and even my dog with an unconditional passion.  Remember, I did tell you that I'm "shouting from the rooftops" here.  So what about Dance?  It's like I said, I'm currently getting over Dance.  Dance was my first love and after attending my first class, Dance and I couldn't get enough of each other.  We had fun, a lot of fun...that is until things got complicated.  Near the end of high school, Dance stopped being about having fun and started being about trying to impress (a losing battle, might I add).  I gave Dance everything I had...but it eventually stopped making me happy.  So I'm ready to find something else to be wildly passionately about.  I still love Dance and I always will but it's different now.  Now I love Dance not because I expect it to love me back, but simply because Dance will always be important to me.

I'm finding now that I am passionate about other things.  There are no male equivalents to any of those other things...but when you're as lucky as I am, there really doesn't need to be.

"Do things with passion or not at all."

Embarrassment Is Overrated

"Sometimes I pretend to be normal.  But it gets boring so I go back to being me." - Anonymous

After reading my previous entry, my dad asked me if I'm serious about the level of honesty with which I plan to write.  The answer is yes, I'm serious.  I promised myself, and now I promise you, that aside from keeping things PG-ish, I plan to hold nothing back.  If you knew me in high school then you probably know that I used to value my secrets...well, not anymore.  I can't successfully pinpoint when it happened, but I learned a while back that secrets are pretty exhausting.  I've learned that guarding your heart with a smorgasbord of defensive trick plays is also tremendously exhausting (yes, I said smorgasbord).  It will undoubtedly be far more difficult to bear my soul to an audience than to my friends and family who I trust, but I'm confident that I'll soon recover from the initial awkwardness.  I realize that it probably makes no difference to you whether or not I succeed in making myself an open book...but I promised myself.  And I never break a promise.

I'm at a point in my life when I'm ready and willing to make myself terrifically uncomfortable.  It has worked out really well for me in the past, so I figured I'd go ahead and see what else I'm capable of.  Sharing the sometimes awkwardly private aspects of my life WILL be uncomfortable and knowing myself as well as I do, I'm destined to embarrass myself a time or two..or three.  But if the worst case scenario is that you will judge me, then I'm already over it.

Embarrassment is Overrated.

"It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all.  In which case, you fail by default." - J.K. Rowling

Welp, Here Goes Nothing...

So I'm actually doing this.  I always knew I was going to start a blog before studying abroad but so much is happening recently that I see no purpose in waiting until August.  When mulling over the decision of how honest I plan to be in my writing, I was hesitant about how much I'm willing to let you know about me.  But then I realized that I'm actually pretty great so I'm no longer worried about the judgement I may receive once you realize that I'm a piece of work.

Some people, when they're in love and what not, feel as if they want to shout it from the rooftops.  Not to be cliché or feed into the love song fantasy, but this blog is my way of shouting from the rooftops how much I love my life.  I've been through a lot and there are many reasons for me not to love my life as much as I do.  For those who choose to continue reading, you will learn about those reasons but you will also learn about all the things that make my life so unreal and fantastic so try not to get jealous.

With four of my five best friends getting ready to graduate and begin the rest of their lives..combined with me getting ready to go abroad..and topped off with a "save the date" for the wedding of the one friend who's known my since we were too young to even remember (cough cough Robert)...it has hit me that we're all growing up.  I, personally like change.  I think it's exciting. But I also love being young, so I'm writing this blog so I can remember this time of my life.  This blog is also for my family and my friends who might as well be family so you can always be with me (don't cry Stephanie).

My life is anything but boring so try to keep up...because Here Goes Nothing.

I also plan to occasionally share my photos from Italy, so here's a preview of what you're in for ladies and gentlemen: